STUNNING NEWSFLASH! BERTILSON PROSECUTED! MORE TO COME!

Our illustrious writer was found this day, furiously writing a reply to Mr. DenHoed, the Ahern Embery Administration's lawyer, and now, judge, who had, this day, begun a prosecution against Mr. Bertilson. When asked to comment, Mr. Bertilson sat upright, looking downright terrifying, and accidentally flung his pencil to the other side of the house. "It's insane. The idea that I'd be prosecuted for suggesting a match for our, alas, unmarried Chief Executive, is utterly nonsensical. The president has fairly worthily borne his power thusfar, but this is really going far. One might think it's because I'm one of the accused that I say this, but it comes from a deep love of Islas that will not be broken by the electric chair, the lethal injection, or the heavy object landing painfully on one's scull," said Bertilson, frantically searching for his lost pencil. "The charge that my name is not in the Firefox spell-checker is most uncommonly ridiculous, mainly because the prosecution's names, Ahern, Embery, Roorda, and many others, do not even appear in it either!" The implications of this shook us to our boots. The Ahern Embery administration couldn't really be willing to prosecute, and alas, the thought, execute possibly more than half of the Islas population merely because of this petty, nay, demonic charge?

Our knees shook as they brought us to our car on the way back to the building.

UPDATE: Now included, the current proceedings having happened:

"Mark _. DenHoed, Judge and Prosecuting Attorney:

Alrighty, it's all going down now. By order of the prez, I shall be serving as judge and prosecuting attorney.

Docket Number 29834: Noah "Bertilson"

Mr. Bertilson, the charges against you are many, varied, and grave.

You are, first of all, a poser. You go on about Open Source software, saying how great it is, littering your blog posts with computer terminology. But, it has been said (and tested and found true) that your last name is NOT in Firefox's (an open source program, I might add) dictionary!

Second: You allegedly attempted to do something having to do with the president and marriage or something. I'm still looking into that one.

Third: You have, in the past, driven me to distraction through your blatant over-use of the phrases "*smirk*" and "*sly grin*". The phrases are now worn out (lexicographical murder is the proper term, I think), and I now shudder whenever anyone uses them.

How do you plead?

Noah B. Bertilson, "the Accused":

*crates in rickety old rocking chair and begins to creakily rock it*

I first thank the dishonorable Teh Grate for presiding over this horrendous assembly. Without his help, my existence would have been so much less painful. His acceptance of the request to prosecute the accused is the greatest of his deeds, and will no doubt be written down by a ridiculous Cicero-copycat in overused Sharpies (may Heaven break his back for so torturing the precious things).

I plead that the dishoronable and all that rot judge and prosecuting whatshisnut has found the prosecuted guilty of some, and possibly all, of the above.

First, the word poser, on being read by the accused, was at first found vaguely insulting, second outright true, third, unequalledly complimentary. The accused acknowledges that, on some occasions, he has found himself unable to properly be "genuine", but, in most cases, the accused finds himself standing alone with his hands in his pockets. Such displays of so-called "lonerness" are not intentional or meant to deceive. Without such unpleasant realities, the word "loner" would be lost, abandoned, and in all other ways tossed down into the fiery chasm from whence it came.

Concerning going on about Open Source software. Firstly, the accused begs pardon of the Ahern Embrey Administration for utilizing his freedom of speech. He had not been aware that it had been taken away. His dedication to Open Source software has been long and strong, and any attempt to end it is seen as an attempt to overcome an unyeilding fire, an unquenchable inferno with no more than a spray bottle. Attempts have been made in the past to signal that these attempts are miserable failures, but they seem not to have even made dents on your Redmond Steel (or, the accused notes, aircraft-grade aluminum) sculls. As these previous attempts have failed, the accused will make none now.

The accused acknowledges that he has posted, not littered, his blog with one post, not more than one, of informative information considering computer terminology, which, though it brought about the doom of the accused, has proved useful to at least one individual.

Concerning Firefox, the prosecution would be well-advised to consult Mozilla, where, due to your unequalled care, could request, the accused thinks, that the name "Bertilson" would be included in the Firefox Dictionary. The accused also points out that mass-prosecutions would be more than reasonable, including agasint our dishonorable judge, concerning the fact that there is no "DenHoed", "Roorda", and many other names of prominent, well-known, and in all other ways, illustrious Islas Members. The accused suggests, most preferably, that the prosectution schedule lobotomies within the next five days, in hopes that their hope of continued and collective existence may burn on, a small but brave flame, unhindered by petty dictators and evil rulers.

Second. You should continue to undiligently look into that one, as you call it. Your conduct, bringing up charges not complete and incomplete, is disgraceful to the name of Islas, the Ahern Embry Administration, and the Association for the Ethical Treatment of Fruits and Veggie Tales.

Third. The accused technically denies the charge. He acknowledges his use, but not overuse, of the "phrases" as your dishonorableness has so aptly named them, "*smirk*" and "*sly grin*". He avidly argues that his use of the words has not worn of one iota of their meaning nor in any way "lexicographically murdered" it. The accused found himself very angry at the thought that he should be accused of murdering such useful "phrases", as your dishonorableness has, if not repeatedly, unneededly called them.

The charges against the accused are not, as the prosecution said, "many, varied, and grave," but few, random, and petty. The accused suggests his dishonorableness gather more information and learn to count, among other things. Any sane judge would, at this time, turn pink and dismiss the case. The accused's lawyer also petitions that the prosecution discontinue talking of the accused in the second person, as it is sure to eventually confuse one or another of the Ahern Embrey Administration between the actual second person and the letter "U".

!Noah!

"

Your uncommonly attacked, prosecuted, and defenestrated writer,


!Noah!