September 27, 2008

Alright. Here are the graphics

One day, several weeks, if not a couple of months ago, perhaps more...I told you I would probably show you graphics sometime. My own. And here I go.

Probably some sweltering day in 2007, I had an idea. It wasn't all that new at that time, but I had it nonetheless. I took the bulletin of that Sunday and started drawing. Tanks. Walls. Bombs. More tanks. Jets. The whole shebang of war. From a perspective that I've only experienced in Dune 2 (not 2000). From the top. Let me show you.

As you ought to be able to see, I was unreasonably obsessed with this idea. Or, maybe, I just had way too much time, and an attention span which I aquired knowing it had a guarentee that I'd be thrown into the Lake of Fire for having.

Anyway. I drew. And drew. And, yes, I did listen to Pastor. Though I do acknowledge I probably didn't get as much from it by drawing then I would by just sitting there listening. Oh well.

And, after I really did loose my attention at church, I finally stopped. Or, I haven't done it for a while.

(actually, come to think of it, I drew some naval battles in a similar style a few years ago...)

Finally, I digitized it. So to speak.

If this photo meant nothing to you...I don't know what to say.

Anyway. I feel like that photo ought to explain everything, so...

Comment. Critisize. The whole shebang. Right on the "Vague Rebuts" bit. Go ahead.


September 26, 2008

Bertilson seems to see the light, doesn't turn it on

Found reading "The Sophisticator", "The Defender", and watching a duo of Youtube videos recently at his desk in Minneapolis, Bertilson looked somewhat confused, excited, and, no lot least, disbelieving. He almost seemed too excited to answer our questions, until he stopped staring into 3.1 million pixels crying for him to support Ahern.
Finally controlling himself, Bertilson commented thus: "I didn't know before why I should have exited the race before. Now I know. Ahern seems to know what he's doing."

Bertilson seemed to fear assassination after making this comment, because he descended into his nuke-proof underground mansion, in which we managed to get some more out of him, though in tones which most dogs would black out from.

"Ahern seems as if he might not botch the whole job, if only a bit. You see, I'm planning to run again," Bertilson said somewhat firmly, "and I want a proper mess to clean up when I do. Everybody seems to want to leave a good planet for their children, but, following the logical conclusion, Ahern would not want that, for the unalterably simple reason that he has none, as of yet."

We chuckled and jabbered on several more hours into the night, but Bertilson didn't seem to want us to leave. Eventually, we slept in four of his many guest bedrooms.

Sincerely, your most unbiased reporters on everything Islas,

!Noaj, Boa, Garg, and the GIMP!

September 25, 2008

A Story. Finally.

Alright. Here's my latest story. It's very unlikely that I'll actually manage to write a second chapter fully, but here's the first.

A Jackrabbit down
Jack's brain only registered shock for a tenth of a second. After that, his brain was unconscious, but the immensity of the shock seemed to have kept his brain in an odd in-between state, so that it still attempted to find out why he had failed to clear the dumpster correctly. It was a fairly complicated jump, but he'd completed it flawlessly from the day he learned it.
Jack woke up two days later, a gunshot wound in his shoulder, in a hospital.
“Where's the bullet?” he asked the second he'd rounded up his senses and made sure he hadn't lost any of them.
“What?” said a nearby doctor, looking unnerved, “Hey! You're supposed to be asleep, doctor's orders!”
“What, did the doctor's union start a dictatorship?” Jack threw back, looking profoundly annoyed, “Now tell me, where is the bullet, you great albino Batman?”
The doctor looked slightly stunned for a few seconds, and then said, “The police have it. They're going to find the man that shot you, and you're going back to sleep,” he added firmly.
Jack immediately sat bolt upright. “No, they're not, and it's a she,” he said, flexing his legs and arms. The doctor looked blank, then arranged his features into a look that contained a dash of confusion but mainly conveyed the firm belief that the recipient of said look wasn't far from the state in which many have been put by large falls, or being knocked on the head with rather heavy objects.
“Oh, come on, how would you know that?” he asked, seemingly too astonished to stop Jack from doing experimental push-ups.
Jack snorted. “Like I'm going to tell you,” he said, getting out of bed and picking some very thin clothes from his backpack, which had been placed by his bed.
“Well, you can't leave now,” the doctor said, realizing too late that he was pleading, “You've got to stay in for another two days,” he said. “Doctor's orders,” he added helplessly.
Jack rolled his eyes.
The doctor suddenly looked up, looking triumphant. “And the police chief wants to see you, too!”
Jack jumped. “The...the police chief,” he repeated lamely, not looking around.
“Yeah,” the doctor said, seeming to think Jack's surprise and fear was actually resignation.
Jack bolted to the door in three long strides, opened it, and went out. The doctor came running to the door, at which point Jack took off his backpack and slammed him over the head when he came around the door. The doctor slumped down against the wall. Jack suddenly had an idea. Moving as fast as he could manage, he carried the doctor's body and moved it into his bed, pulling the covers over him.
“Sleep well,” Jack told the unconscious doctor. He patted the bald head almost thoughtfully, and bolted out the door once again.
Alright. Now. Post. Comment. Critique. All that good stuff. Really, get at it now. I need help. Literally.


September 24, 2008

WHAT!? You decided not to post the other half!?

That's right. Your favorite news reporter for Islas is now canceling the second part of his best story yet. Maybe not best, but it's my latest. Something like that. BECAUSE!!!::::

1. The Ahern administration took the time to debunk about 75% of what I was saying, aaannnddd
2. The second part of the series of interviews was...much...less...exciting. No offense, Holmes, Hilton, and Burns, but, really. You ought to spazz things up a bit. Oh. No. Burns did an admirable job, though he was far, far away, with so much to do that he couldn't sensibly appear on TV. Oh well. I guess I'll give you his. But first...BEG! (in other words, if you want to see the second half of the interview, spam the comments thing of this post. Really.) You want Burns' bit? You want the whole second part? TELL ME!

Your most blackmailing reporter on everything Islas...


September 19, 2008

Executed Islasers not contacted before they were executed, seem entirely alive Pt. 1

Earlier this morning, I interviewed Miss Russell on her opinion concerning the recent executions of Islas members, her being one of them.

me: Oh, Hi!
Basically, I want you to put it in your own well your execution was carried out.
Russell: In my own words? Oh, the freedom.
The Ahern-Embrey administration completely botched it.
Obviously, I'm quite well.
me: Really?
Were you even contacted?
Russell: Never been better.
me: Arrested?
Russell: Nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
me: Incredible.
Russell: And this speaks volumes about the capability and organization of our current President.
me: Oh, one more question.
Russell: Shoot.
me: The charges against you...
Being related to a insane writer from Nevada...
That sort of thing.
Are these accusations true?
Russell: Rather than directly address your question
I would first like to point out that, despite his sneering remarks, President Ahern considered this "Love, Lost and Regained" suitable for his own efforts at transcription, and also to be posted on a website that shall remain unnamed
We have several months of evidence.
me: A worthy point.
Russell: But to answer your question.
This mysterious Russe** is in fact a relation.
Contrary to popular opinion, his first name is Ernest.
That is all.
me: Oh, quite informative.
Thanks for your time!
Russell: My pleasure.
me: A report will be issued shortly...after I contact most of the others...
Russell: I appreciate the exposure.
Excellent. I look forward to reading it.
me: Thanks. I guess I'll go now.
Russell: Bye!

Later, I had the pleasure of interviewing Miss Hunter on the same topic.

Hunter: Hey, Noah, you could interview me now, if you've got the time.
me: Ok.
The topic of my interview will be your recent execution.
How well it was carried out...
That sort of thing.
For instance, were you even contacted?
Hunter: Absolutely not. I had no warning until I was brutally informed by -- of all things -- a YouTube video.
me: Really?
No phone calls?
Death threats?
Hunter: None at all. Of course, I welcome the absence of death threats, but it would have been nice to be prepared for one's death, you know.
me: Absolutely.
Any other comments?
Hunter: It was painful! Really! And a really dreadful betrayal - I mean, Mr. Ahern hired me! I've been working in his offices for nearly a month, and all of a sudden I wake up dead!
I don't even know what I did to deserve such treatment.
me: Well...
The charges...
Your real last name being "Nader"...are these true?
Hunter: Those are completely false.
My last name is Hunter, and has always been Hunter.
me: And the natural implication being that you would be an environmentalist, too.
Hunter: I had never heard of this Nader person until I read my accusation.
me: You deny this too?
Hunter: I forcefully deny any connection with environmentalists, and am definitely not one myself.
me: Oh. I think Nader was Ralph Nader from, I think, the 2000 or 2004 election running as an independant or green party presidential candidate...
I expected as much.
Hunter: Another comment...
I am shocked that John could have come up with this accusation after he hired me...
The time to have made false claims would have been while I was running for President, or when he hired me to work in his office!
me: A worthy point. One would have thought he would have at least looked into it...slightly!
Hunter: Exactly.
And the way in which it was done was so ungentlemanly, so underhand.
I didn't even have time to defend myself.
me: True. The absence of a trial of any sort was an appalling breach of whatever justice there was before the Ahern administration.
Hunter: Precisely.
me: Any other comments before we depart?
Hunter: I think that John should step down from the office of President. Anyone can see that, given this breach of security and morals, he will do nothing good for ISLAS.
me: Thank you for your time.
Hunter: Thank you. It's a pleasure to be able to share my thoughts.
And I'm going to close your IM...
since I have so many. g
me: You're weclome. And Toodles!
Hunter: Bye!

Even later, Mr. Bertilson became available and I interviewed him too...

me: Alright.
I wanted to interview you as to the quality of your well as how well you were informed beforehand...
G. Bertilson: I was informed when I saw the President's announcement, and thenceforth (I assume) I was dead.
me: You weren't contacted before the public was told?
G. Bertilson: No indeed. ;)
me: So, basically, you weren't even arrested?
Not present at your own execution?
Do you even know where it took place?
G. Bertilson: It's common knowledge that one's execution occurs at whatever place one is, so of course I was present.
me: You were?
Could anybody concur?
G. Bertilson: Of course I was!
me: So? Could anybody confirm that you were present?
G. Bertilson: I don't know. I assume whoever it was that executed me (for indeed as a dead person I can't remember anything) must have been present as well - an executioner generally has trouble doing absentee execution.
me: Yes, one would assume so.
Any other comments concerning this topic?
G. Bertilson: No, I can't say I have anything more to say... except the perennial go John and all that.
me: Ok. Thanks for your time, Mr. Bertilson.
G. Bertilson: Thank you. ;)

So. Has Ahern acted to quickly, and without proper pre-execution notification, and is he ignoring whatever justice system there was before the Ahern administration?

I personally think the executions were carried out most un-expertly. So far, two out of three of the executed both weren't contacted beforehand, but also seemed completely alive earlier today. Also, I suggest we put it to a vote whether to put Mr. Bertilson into an insane alylum. How could one not know they were being executed? Who would even believe someone who believes they'd been executed? Bertilson's story is obviously rediculous.

Interviews of Holms, Hilton and Burns forthcoming within the next few days.

Your, aye, still unbiased reporter,


September 18, 2008

Being purtier than Paris Hilton or "Cuter" than Tom Cruise not a requirement for Islas signup...mobs mob the wombat-shaped office

Reporting from outside the Purple House, our top presidential expert analyzes the situation not only unbiasedly, but also concisely and expertly.

The Purple Lawn: Well, from out here on the Purple Lawn, you can see honest-to-goodness mobs mobbing the Purple House. It's really unprecedented in Islas Presidential history.

Newsroom: And this is obviously never going to be equaled, right?

The Purple Lawn: Yes, it's never happened before. Just look at the size of these mobs! They stretch all the way from the lines up front, throwing tomatoes at the windows, to a couple of miles away, down Wombat Way. It's just really one of the greatest mobbings in Islas history.

Newsroom: Incredible. Why are these mobs mobbing the Purple house, by the way?

The Purple Lawn: Why? Because no Islas member yet has been put to a "Prettier than Hilton" or "Cuter than Cruise" test. It's really unbelievable!

Newsroom: What!? There hasn't been a requirement in Islas signup for that? I knew there was a blank I hadn't seen on that thing.

The Purple Lawn: Honestly. That should have been one of the founding principles! And here we learn that our presidential candidates weren't required to be more pretty than Paris Hilton, or, in the majority of cases, "cuter"...than Tom Cruise.

Newsroom: Agreed. This is unprecedented new knowledge. I can't believe that we've lived all these months without such a requirement.

Earlier today, a certain Miss Roorda made the firm statement that Mr. Ahern
is "...WAAAAY better looking than Tom Cruise."

Singing off, this is your most unbiased anchor on everything Islas, Noaj Jabzarkonski.

Good night, and good day.

UPDATE: I fixed a bit of the conversation, because I didn't introduce the actual content of the requirement earlier.


September 17, 2008

For those who want to know...

As, in the future, I may post some of my creations, both audio, pictoral, and video, I'm going to also make it rather clear how these works are to be reused. Basically, I think, I'm putting everything I make under the Creative Commons license. I think these are the proper terms of said...

So. So far, these terms apply to any copies of the title banner from the past or present. Any newer banner iterations are under the same terms of use.

UPDATE: I made a change in the it ought to tell you that you can make derivative works.

Your really miserly reporter, cogitator,,


McDonalds providing resources for gay and transsexual health "needs"

A certain friend of mine recently notified me that McDonalds is "supporting" various homo and trans-sexual "agendas". At first, I thought this might be a phony forward, but, with a couple of Googles, I knew it was true. Upon reading slightly more into the issue, it seemed that McDonalds was providing resources for healthcare that would only be used by homo or trans-sexuals. This, I think, could be said to be "aiding the homo and trans-sexual agendas", as many other news-sources reported.

I also found that McDonalds had joined the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce, an organization which supports "...economic opportunities for the gay and lesbian business community...", said McDonalds in a response to Amarican Family Association's Action Alert Newsletter. 

I think I'd argue that saying McDonald's now has a "homosexual agenda", as many have put it, is accurate, yet...overdone. The problem in this is not that we're giving homo and trans-sexuals the opportunities of any normal person, it's that they're giving them special support and healthcare which only homo or trans-sexuals will want/need. Yes, they're different. Yes, they will want these certain healthcare things, but are Christians asking for anything but to be allowed to believe what they believe and do whatever the Bible allows? No. So far, we've asked for no prayer areas in airport terminals. And we shouldn't, because we don't need them.

Why should we pay for something we don't support? We can pay for our own healthcare, but if we pay for healthcare that we are morally obligated not to pay for, we are aiding Satan in his vain attempt to bring more from the Prince of Light. Services that allow them to "be themselves", I suppose they might say. Supporting such movements or provisions is taking a baby step toward what could eventually become a modern-day persecution of not only the Church, but everything we stand for.

September 16, 2008

Islas President John Ahern executes 1/11 of Islas pop., few seem to notice

In a stunning continuation of events, newly elected Islas president John Ahern announced the soon-to-be execution of six, aye, SIX of the current Islas members.We found our most frequent informant, Mr. Bertilson, looking more flustered than he had in all previous
times combined. Upon being asked for comments, Bertilson took a deep breath and said, "Ahern's been nothing but trouble ever since he entered the wombat-shaped office. He's reduced the Islas population at an alarming rate, unequaled in all other societies combined. Well, maybe not that bad, but he's really blown a hole in the population."

The official announcement, presented by Mr. Ahern himself.

After viewing the video with our reporting team, Mr. Bertilson grew so outraged that it took a few minutes to calm him down. After getting into a more reportable state, Bertilson said thus: "It's unbelieveable, the insane charges this administration is pressing. I myself, I admit, was on my toes with angst the second Ahern made attemt to pronounce the Bertilson name. I was honestly afraid that the clodhopping Colorado man would have me executed!"

EDIT: As is helpful, here's a list of the executed-to-be:
G. Bertilson, K. Burns, P. Hilton, L. Holms, L. Hunter, L. Russell.

These numbers leaving a net Islas population of 60 people, few of which have even posted on the Islas forum.

your most unbiased source for news on everything Islas.

September 15, 2008


Yes. I JUST created a new top banner type thing for my blog.
Oh! I forgot. Either because it's law, or because I'm really grateful, I'm going to mention both the great place I got the fonts, and the people who made them. First, the website, which Erin...found first, I The font with which I say "Thinking Myself to Death" is Evanesance, which you can find at the aforementioned site. "cogitans se ad mortem" is using the font Jellyka Castle's Queen. Weird names. But thanks anywayJellyka Nerevan and Aeryn!

UPDATE: New stuff. I made the "cogitans se ad mortem" larger and fit "Thinking myself to Death " down belowish. The font for "Thinking myself to Death" is Bleeding Cowboys...and it can be found at the same website as the others.

UPDATE 2: I love proper capitalization.


By the way...

"Vague Rebuts" are, on my blog, the equivolent of comments on most other blogs.

!Noah! changed my life...

I've just decided to rant on about this phrase for as many pages as I can manage.

Ok. First, I don't want to offend anybody who wouldn't be offended if I didn't write this useless post.
Ok. NOW! Second (I'd really love to have called that FIRST, but I had to address that horrible issue of morons being offended by something they shouldn't be...Hmm. Government-sponsered offense-taking education? OTE for short? Sounds good.), there's...wait. 

...I forgot. Just a second while I remember...

OH! RIGHT! It's a way, way, way overused phrase that should used!

Ok. When I get married, then I'll have someone to say that about. But really! I can say my computer changed my life. OHGOH!

RIGHT! There's the little issue of defining the word "life", too! If your life has been predestined before the beginning of the world, the, forsooth, what can change it?!

People. PUH-LEAZZZE. If I can say, for instance, that a movie or some music changed my life, then I can say, for instance, that a certain molecule of air changed my life! The moronic squirrels who just love to eat all our birdseed changed my life! 9/11 changed my life! The busted pixel on Daddy's LCD changed my life!

...really, people, I think I can logically say it's as easy to change the past as it is to change the future. If you can actually change what will happen in the future, then you're talking. But if your life is predestined before time...then you can't change it. Which sounds really horrible and all, but it's not. I know.

Ok. Now that I've assuredly offended half the world, I'll sign off.
Good Day, Good Night, and have a great life!


September 13, 2008

New look...and...

First, I posted this post to inform you of my new look. On my blog, that is. I was going to have a bullet caught on camera careening toward a disembodied brain for the logo, but, for now, this'll work. I'm considering changing the name, too. Maybe not yet. Oh, well. Then I'll lose all my readers. Oh well. God'll still be able to read it.

Now, I'm going to try to think of something informative and interesting to say, on the spot. Maybe I'll just post some random photo. Lemmy think.

OH! I KNOW! Since I've watched Batman Begins about three times, I'll just whip a review off the top of my head. *gets a mirror*

...hmm. Mebby I'll need two...

Oh, well. Here I go. Trying to make everyone in the world laugh. Poor me.

Batman Begins (2005, I think) (PG-13)
(Intense Action Violence, Disturbing Images, and Some Thematic Elements)

Allllright. For a start, let me say that I loved this movie. To the extent which I, at least, had it bought for my birthday. It had enough action, as few smooches as is necessary...and...not much bad language, by what can only be called my standard.

Ok. The acting was, in my horribly un-experienced opinion, great. Christian Bale really seemed to be Batman well.

Oh. One thing I hate about the Batman idea in general is that the guy's got a huge cape and he's doing really advanced martial arts. Come on. Is that a great match, or what? "No capes, darling."

The technology was cool. Rather cool. But not as cool as the little bit in The Dark Knight which I actually saw. The Batmobile couldn't have been made better, in my opinion, and all Batman's gadgets do a great job him look cool. And cumbersom.

UPDATE: I think Rachel was an above-average superhero girlfriend. Though the class "superhero girlfriend" usually doesn't include anybody this good, she's in it. She was, I think, probably my favorite of such of all time. And she was rather well acted to boot. I was really annoyed that Katie Holmes wasn't available for the second movie.

Hmm. I think Albert's the best character and always will be. Unless he stops being so good. And he'd better not. 'Cause then I might have to employ an assassin.

One thing about Batman which I like is that Bruce had to work to get his power, and some, like, for instance, Superman and Spiderman, did not. They got their power, and then they had to deal with it. Bruce Wayne, however, had to go to some insane place in the Orient to get his phys-ed. This does, however, mean that his power is comparatively limited. He can't really throw someone through, for instance, five or six walls. He can, however, bash someone on a wall really hard. Which is, I think, a rather highly thought-of skill.

Oh! I forgot Gordon!
Gordon was, I think, easily the second best character in this movie. I may be wrong. But he's got good lines, dunno, what would you classify his looks as? Oh, well. He was great.

Oh, and the best line of the movie was, "I gotta get me one of those.", without much reasonable or shadowy doubt.

OH! And, the coolest prop in the movie was the The things he throws at lightbulbs and scares the H-bombs out of the badguys with.

Ok. I'm not going to say who or when one should see this. Ask your parents. Great people.

Ok. Sometime, I might manage to see the Dark Knight from start to finish, instead of from 3/5ths into the movie to 5/5ths into the movie. Ohhh, well. Wonderful day.

Also, this review may be subject to fierce editting and/or additioning.

Have a great day.


September 07, 2008

PB and...

Ok. I just decided to randomly post a list of all my favorite PB Anyway. I think I've only once had a full size 2X PB and H.

1. PB and J. I think most people know what this is. It's not my favorite, but it tastes great.
2. PB and H. Honey. My favorite.
3. PB and B. Bananas. Lovely. Could be my second favorite if we had more bananas around.
4. PB and R. Raisins. Not as good as some, I think. Lovely, nonetheless.



September 03, 2008


I shall take this precious moment to rave about the wondrous choice of Sarah Palin as John McCain's vice presidential nominee.


...thank you for reading this *NOT* waste of my time.

On the sensible side, I just hope they'll do a GREAT job together, and that their families will support them else, let's say, to stay away from the PG-PG 13 vocabulary angle.


After some time, I finally found the clip of the evening. The one I...can't stop laughing when I remember, but am moved when I see.

Blah, for lack of any better, and yet unspoiling, title