June 08, 2012

The Sublte, Distant Taste of Victory

Hey. It's been a while. (yeah, you've probably heard that a gagillion years before, but this is a blog. My blog. What can I do?

Anyway, today I was tempted and somehow resisted.

And by I resisted, I mean solely by God's power, without any real effort on my part, I somehow came out of hell without so much as a light tan.

That said, what exactly did I do? Did I do anything? I think this is something I'm probably going to spend a lot of time struggling with, because I don't really understand it. Maybe that's the way it is, and I never will, but I'm not the kind to give up just because it might be the right thing to do.

Ok. So when I need God...

Er, wait, let me rephrase that.

I need God.

At such times (all the time), how exactly is it that he becomes potent in my life? I mean, perhaps it's mere appearance, but at times he doesn't seem to be up to much. Yeah, I know, from a human perspective, you can't really see the whole elephant and imagine simultaneously patting the entirety of said elephant, but even so!

Is the simple act of asking for God's help the only act we can call our own?

And why the heck is this so important for me?

I think it probably goes back to the whole way God created us. With free will and all, y'know? If he created us without the freedom to love and to hate, we wouldn't truly love or hate because we'd be robots. Everything we do would be pre-done (so to speak) by God himself.

Which strikes me as really freaking weird, 'cause when we end up loving God, it's only because he did that himself to us a long, long time before we even knew the difference between cyanide and sugar.

Huh. Not trying to be heretical here or anything, but God made us with the express intention of not making us do anything while simultaneously planning ahead of time to rescue us through his power alone.

What's the difference? I guess it's love, in a weird way. Given robotic humanity, God's love would mean nothing to us, and our love would mean nothing to him, whereas if we have free will, our love does mean something to him and we understand the meaning of his love for us.

As to our asking God for help being our only true act, I don't think we can even claim that as our own, as, quite simply, God created everything. He created the desires that drive our lives, the influences that buffet us, the loves, hates, imaginings, friends, wonders...I don't really have to even list them these days. He made a ton of stuff and it all works to bring about his plan, whether we want it to or not. I'm a part of God's plan inside God's fold or out. I think it's foolish of me, but I've sometimes found it in myself to take comfort even in that.

So God created us, everything to do with us, and what's inside us, that drives us. Thus, I'd say our desire to love God is from God. But what's the difference then? Is it the dichotome (been wanting to use that word for months) of good and evil at work in us? We're neither consumed by hate of everything nor love of God and neighbor, given the angels and monsters at work in us?

Is this folly?

Hmm. I propose thus: God gave us everything we have, from the most physical the most metaphysical, and he gave it us with the express command of freaking doing something useful with it. That useful thing most prominantly being praising our Creator. We were given not just the earth to steward, but every fiber and sinew and desire and love and heartbeat of our beings as well. In other words, despite the simple fact that all things will work for the good of the elect, at the same time we have the freedom to use our love, time, and stuff for whatever we want.

I've got this theory about the Image of God, in which we were created. Of course, church doctrine doesn't have a habit of making itself anew this late in the game. I'll admit it's unlikely there's anything to what I say, but what I think is this:

God created us in his image not just to set us apart (which, now that I think about it, is pretty much saying we're holy...the meanings are similar if not identical), but more than that, as a means by which to commune with him. Perhaps this is old hat. Regardless, I think it's important. I don't really know how yet.