AHERN INTERVIEWED. UNTOLD REVELATIONS REVEALED.

Mr. Ahern was interviewed this evening by our impeccable team, revealing many truths both about Islas, and about our revered president himself.

Our team entered Mr. Bertilson's living room, looking around, surprised. We had actually expected that it would be messy, covered with papers and perhaps several laptops. On the contrary, it looked, as some have said before, "brand spankin' new". Bertilson did not offer explanation at that time. As his comments were obviously desired, Mr. Bertilson didn't even wait to be asked.

"My interview with Mr. Ahern was boring at best. His answers were either nonexistent, vague, or worthless. He said, on one occasion, that Islas does not discriminate against ghosts, but, in Islas, the only need for this is that there is little or no distinction between the living and the dead. He somehow linked this kindness to creativity, which somehow flew far over my head. When I asked what fate could be worse than death, as mine is to be, he merely responded that the information is "a government secret", "top secret", or "confidential", on different occasions.

"Considering death on Islas already seems to mean no less than life, I can only assume that a fate worse than death is just, say, a pinprick delivered to your door. Though I didn't actually ask him that question, it didn't seem to bother Mr. Ahern a bit to know a good portion of his population would be, by his own hand, defenestrated. As Aristotle said, of course, 'A heartless president isn't a president at all. He is a Twinkie.' Mr. Ahern's heart is black as the night sky, swept free of stars.

"Mr. Ahern's executions earlier this year of several Islasers only brought the sentence of death. Even that seems not to be very potent of a punishment. My own brother was in the list of the executed, and, as far as my sight can make out, he has nothing to indicate, in any way, that he ought to be called dead, thought dead, or in any other way referred to as dead.

"His new 'fate worse than death' has failed to frighten me, so far, and I doubt any of the other accuseds' knees have been knocking at the idea of it. I had, at the end of my interview, hoped that it would yield more information and lead to interesting information for the general Islas public, but the amount Mr. Ahern revealed to me, at this time, seems minute. My interview with him was disappointing, but less disappointing than I thought it would be."

Our interview concluded, Mr. Bertilson looking tired and slightly annoyed. Our hopes somewhat dashed, we returned to headquarters.

Your somewhat discouraged, badly informed, and tired writer,


!Noah!