AHERN WEDS STARRETT, FORGETS HER NAME AT JUST THE WRONG TIME

Late last night, according to the Defender and the Sophisticator, Mr. Ahern and the illustrious Miss Starrett, alledgedly the fabled Miss Islas, "slunk" out of the Islas capital to a small country village and got hitched. Our frequent commentator and writer happened to be at the event, and watched the whole thing. He noted that few details were more important than when our president said, "I do, Gertrude," to his fine bride. At this, of course, the lass was stunned, and then broke into tears. Accounts dispute this, of course, but we can swear on all the mousepads we have at Headquarters, that this definitely happened last night.
Mr. Bertilson offered further comment upon finding we were about to publish an article.

"It's really sad. Mr. Ahern's been denying his now obvious love for Miss Starrett for much too long. His heart must be a jumble of sad, broken emotions, re-assembled today by this, for him, I suppose, happy occasion. For me, on the other hand, it is not happy. Why? Because I wasn't invited. Sure, I got to see it, but the fact that I got an official PBP mere days ago, and then I wasn't invited to his wedding... I can only conclude that he had some reason for not inviting me. Really. Also, I didn't see Miss Lyss at the wedding. As one of Miss Starrett's best friends and the official matchmaker of Islas, there seems to be no reason why she wasn't invited. It's beyond cruel."

*UPDATE* I just found this on XKCD, so I decided to post it, as it was sooooo appropriate. (NOTE: XKCD isn't really appropriate is mind-numbingly inappropriate in some cases, so, in reading it, be cautious.)


!Noah!