February 5th, 15:49 (central)
Just landed in Singapore; we came down through the clouds to a sea of lights; there were what seemed like hundreds of ships alight in the water in the night, spaced fairly evenly throughout a bay or harbor. As we came over the city, I saw cars driving on the left side of the road instead of the right, and knew I was in a different world.
The buildings I saw as we came down seemed to have lights arranged very linearly; coming down, it almost appeared science-fictiony, the apartments dotted in matricies of white dots of light.
We'll be getting off soon, so I may post this and previous updates soon.
...
I've arrived at Changi Airport in Singapore, where the carpet is about as weird as you can imagine. There's plenty of open space, which I like, and the help desk people informed me where my flight would depart from. I won't be able to check in for another hour and a half, so I'll probably get some food or something in the meantime.
!Noah!
February 04, 2015
About Singapore Airlines
February 4th, 5:14 (central)
I'm in Russia, had to get TSA-ish checked again, and am now back on the Singapore Airlines flight to Singapore.
So there's offically a world outside the US. You sometimes occupy your mind with foolish ideas, and the fact that I've never left the US before meant that I'd never observed direct proof of the rest of the world. Foolish? Maybe.
But couldn't that foolish idea be indicative of a larger trend? I think Americans are undertravelled in general, and this idea of mine is probably part of that very trend.
February 4th, 06:12 (central)
I'll digress and try again to summarize my experience with Singapore Airlines; the flight crew changed between the flights, of course, as they are both over ten hours, but the experience remains the same.
First, they deliver to us a hot, damp towel to "freshen up"; I didn't need it, necessarily, but I used it nonetheless.
Second, we received a pair of headphones designed to work with the in-flight entertainment systems each and every one of us has in front of us. The headphone jacks are unfortunately a pair of mono 3.5mm jacks, meaning you only get one channel by plugging a single stereo pair of earbuds in. Their headset works adequately and isn't terribly uncomfortable. They sterilize and reuse these for each new passenger; as I am the same passenger on the same flight, I was permitted to keep mine and continue using them.
Thirdly, we received a packed containing a toothbrush, a tiny tube of toothpaste, and a pair of soft socks, presumably for changing into before sleep. I haven't used these yet, and I'm afraid I won't be able to change socks until I arrive in Hanoi, as my cotton socks have become rather unpleasant. I must also avoid taking off my shoes, for the safety of the human race.
Other deliveries to passengers have yet to come, but our menu for the meals on the Moscow-Singapore flight include these items:
Appetizer: Baby shrimp with potato salad.
Main courses:
a. Panfried chicken in asil crema sauce, butttered vegetables and roasted potatoes.
b. Gaeng Ped Moo (Thai style red curry pork, seasonal vegetables and steamed rice)
I'll probably choose option B this time; I chose the less adventurous options for breakfast.
Cheese and crackers (monterey jack, unless they have a variety; the crackers are pretty good)
A bakery roll is delivered hot to you with a packet of butter.
They offer both coffee and tea with dinner.
Finally, they offer 3 oz cups of ice cream afterwards; I've tasted the Chocolate thusfar, and it is good as far as my taste will critique. I hope to try another flavor, but I'm not positive they have another. We'll see.
They offer sandwiches in "savory" and vegetarian varieties, as well as fairly typical airplane snacks, including peanuts, the chocolate bar I mentioned earlier, bisquits, potato chips, fruit, and cereal.
For breakfast they offer these parts and options:
A fruit appetizer
Fruit yogurt
A. Russian bliny with scrambled egg (I intend to try this today/tomorrow)
B. Egg frittata with vegetables, roasted tomato, mushrooms and chicken sausage (tried this, enjoyed it.)
A breakfast roll with butter and a jam/preserve to put on it.
Coffee and tea are offered for breakfast as well.
I forgot to mention in my first post about Singapore that while they do have in-flight Wi-Fi, as so many other carriers probably do, they do NOT provide it for free. The prices are quite extravagant, in fact, $6 buying you a whole 5 megabytes, and $10 buying you 10 megabytes. It makes mobile carriers seem downright tame.
The clouds are gorgeous, the sun is bright, and the apple juice is good. The peanut packages include very few peanuts, so ask for two or three if you have any taste for them. They also come largely unsalted, so if your preference is salted peanuts, these will disappoint.
It strikes me as positively arrogant of man to get into a giant tub of metal and run it at absurd speeds, take flight, and proceed to increase speed yet further, and by all these things accomplish a timely arrival at a very distant destination; that we would also convenience ourselves with things we know and love from on the ground seems to further...I don't know. It just seems like the tower of Babel to me. This crazy, monstrous machine is not only capable of getting you from here to there in fairly reasonable times, but it's able to do so over and over again, safely, comfortably, and with added convenience and delight.
The way the wing bends upwards because of the weight on it is both impressive and slightly terrifying. I manage to remain calm throughout the flight, I think, because of a past ordeal which seems to allow me to ignore terror and stand still against fear. Anyway.
I think I've written enough for three posts now. I'll probably add to this before I can post in Singapore, though.
I am well.
!Noah!
I'm in Russia, had to get TSA-ish checked again, and am now back on the Singapore Airlines flight to Singapore.
So there's offically a world outside the US. You sometimes occupy your mind with foolish ideas, and the fact that I've never left the US before meant that I'd never observed direct proof of the rest of the world. Foolish? Maybe.
But couldn't that foolish idea be indicative of a larger trend? I think Americans are undertravelled in general, and this idea of mine is probably part of that very trend.
February 4th, 06:12 (central)
I'll digress and try again to summarize my experience with Singapore Airlines; the flight crew changed between the flights, of course, as they are both over ten hours, but the experience remains the same.
First, they deliver to us a hot, damp towel to "freshen up"; I didn't need it, necessarily, but I used it nonetheless.
Second, we received a pair of headphones designed to work with the in-flight entertainment systems each and every one of us has in front of us. The headphone jacks are unfortunately a pair of mono 3.5mm jacks, meaning you only get one channel by plugging a single stereo pair of earbuds in. Their headset works adequately and isn't terribly uncomfortable. They sterilize and reuse these for each new passenger; as I am the same passenger on the same flight, I was permitted to keep mine and continue using them.
Thirdly, we received a packed containing a toothbrush, a tiny tube of toothpaste, and a pair of soft socks, presumably for changing into before sleep. I haven't used these yet, and I'm afraid I won't be able to change socks until I arrive in Hanoi, as my cotton socks have become rather unpleasant. I must also avoid taking off my shoes, for the safety of the human race.
Other deliveries to passengers have yet to come, but our menu for the meals on the Moscow-Singapore flight include these items:
Appetizer: Baby shrimp with potato salad.
Main courses:
a. Panfried chicken in asil crema sauce, butttered vegetables and roasted potatoes.
b. Gaeng Ped Moo (Thai style red curry pork, seasonal vegetables and steamed rice)
I'll probably choose option B this time; I chose the less adventurous options for breakfast.
Cheese and crackers (monterey jack, unless they have a variety; the crackers are pretty good)
A bakery roll is delivered hot to you with a packet of butter.
They offer both coffee and tea with dinner.
Finally, they offer 3 oz cups of ice cream afterwards; I've tasted the Chocolate thusfar, and it is good as far as my taste will critique. I hope to try another flavor, but I'm not positive they have another. We'll see.
They offer sandwiches in "savory" and vegetarian varieties, as well as fairly typical airplane snacks, including peanuts, the chocolate bar I mentioned earlier, bisquits, potato chips, fruit, and cereal.
For breakfast they offer these parts and options:
A fruit appetizer
Fruit yogurt
A. Russian bliny with scrambled egg (I intend to try this today/tomorrow)
B. Egg frittata with vegetables, roasted tomato, mushrooms and chicken sausage (tried this, enjoyed it.)
A breakfast roll with butter and a jam/preserve to put on it.
Coffee and tea are offered for breakfast as well.
I forgot to mention in my first post about Singapore that while they do have in-flight Wi-Fi, as so many other carriers probably do, they do NOT provide it for free. The prices are quite extravagant, in fact, $6 buying you a whole 5 megabytes, and $10 buying you 10 megabytes. It makes mobile carriers seem downright tame.
The clouds are gorgeous, the sun is bright, and the apple juice is good. The peanut packages include very few peanuts, so ask for two or three if you have any taste for them. They also come largely unsalted, so if your preference is salted peanuts, these will disappoint.
It strikes me as positively arrogant of man to get into a giant tub of metal and run it at absurd speeds, take flight, and proceed to increase speed yet further, and by all these things accomplish a timely arrival at a very distant destination; that we would also convenience ourselves with things we know and love from on the ground seems to further...I don't know. It just seems like the tower of Babel to me. This crazy, monstrous machine is not only capable of getting you from here to there in fairly reasonable times, but it's able to do so over and over again, safely, comfortably, and with added convenience and delight.
The way the wing bends upwards because of the weight on it is both impressive and slightly terrifying. I manage to remain calm throughout the flight, I think, because of a past ordeal which seems to allow me to ignore terror and stand still against fear. Anyway.
I think I've written enough for three posts now. I'll probably add to this before I can post in Singapore, though.
I am well.
!Noah!
Of service and sacrifice
I'm on my Singapore Airlines flight, which thusfar has been comfortable, convenient, and so, so much better than Delta or United treated me. I haven't actually been on a United Flight ever, but I was treated better by on-ground Delta employees than on-ground United employees, and further the flight attendants on Singapore Airlines are genuinely pretty, if not gorgeous. They sell this image on their website of a relatively attractive Singapore woman "Singapore Girl," and they DO live up to it.
Oh, and they DO wear those dresses.
And are they just pretty? No. They're both attractive AND patient. They're helpful and by all appearances enjoy their jobs.
And what they serve you over the course of the flight is impressive in sheer quantity; I've received a toothbrush, toothpaste, and a pair of socks (for sleeping), a pillow and blanket were on my seat when I walked in, they served us a dinner of either chicken and rice or fish and potatoes, and multiple snacks, including peanuts, a slightly dark chocolate pastry sandwich-ish thing (basically a sweet cracker with chocolate in the middle; I can't remember what this would otherwise be called), and the occasional apple juice, orange juice, or perfectly chilled water.
The entertainment system is impressive, if a bit outdated. That is, the hardware is outdated; to call the selection of movies outdated would be a cruel miscarriage of truth. I watched If I Stay for the first few hours out of the airport, and I believe I saw a number of very recent releases listed in the options as well.
The flight and its proceedures are somewhat structured, windows being closed about at 8PM or so, and lights going down an hour or two later. I personally would have preferred to crick my neck and watch the sun set, but hey, when a gorgeous young woman asks you to close a window, you at least unwillingly heed her bidding.
I'm on a window seat, which is nice; better than the Delta window seat, but in both cases I've had an empty seat next to me. The man to my right, next to the aisle, apparently married a Thai woman who taught English back when he first met her. He's flown with Singapore for years, and has had only one complaint on a single occasion. His flight was once delayed, and Singapore Airlines apparently put him up in a nearby hotel for free.
It's like they're continually asking, "Are you happy yet? Are you happy now?"
I might be able to finish Crime and Punishment here on my planes, but most likely I'll choose another movie or sleep the majority of the remainder of my trip.
I hope you all are well, and I assure you that between God's hands and those of Singapore Airlines, I also am well.
February 4th 01:37
Out my window I see snow. Snow and ice. It's bright again, so I'm guessing we're pretty far north, and probably well under 4 hours to Moscow.
We're coming up on some clouds, and I can see the morning light shining on them; I can't see the sun yet, though. The sun also illuminates the further 20-30 feet of the wings. I kinda wish the pilot would make a circle so we could see the sunrise.
!Noah!
Oh, and they DO wear those dresses.
And are they just pretty? No. They're both attractive AND patient. They're helpful and by all appearances enjoy their jobs.
And what they serve you over the course of the flight is impressive in sheer quantity; I've received a toothbrush, toothpaste, and a pair of socks (for sleeping), a pillow and blanket were on my seat when I walked in, they served us a dinner of either chicken and rice or fish and potatoes, and multiple snacks, including peanuts, a slightly dark chocolate pastry sandwich-ish thing (basically a sweet cracker with chocolate in the middle; I can't remember what this would otherwise be called), and the occasional apple juice, orange juice, or perfectly chilled water.
The entertainment system is impressive, if a bit outdated. That is, the hardware is outdated; to call the selection of movies outdated would be a cruel miscarriage of truth. I watched If I Stay for the first few hours out of the airport, and I believe I saw a number of very recent releases listed in the options as well.
The flight and its proceedures are somewhat structured, windows being closed about at 8PM or so, and lights going down an hour or two later. I personally would have preferred to crick my neck and watch the sun set, but hey, when a gorgeous young woman asks you to close a window, you at least unwillingly heed her bidding.
I'm on a window seat, which is nice; better than the Delta window seat, but in both cases I've had an empty seat next to me. The man to my right, next to the aisle, apparently married a Thai woman who taught English back when he first met her. He's flown with Singapore for years, and has had only one complaint on a single occasion. His flight was once delayed, and Singapore Airlines apparently put him up in a nearby hotel for free.
It's like they're continually asking, "Are you happy yet? Are you happy now?"
I might be able to finish Crime and Punishment here on my planes, but most likely I'll choose another movie or sleep the majority of the remainder of my trip.
I hope you all are well, and I assure you that between God's hands and those of Singapore Airlines, I also am well.
February 4th 01:37
Out my window I see snow. Snow and ice. It's bright again, so I'm guessing we're pretty far north, and probably well under 4 hours to Moscow.
We're coming up on some clouds, and I can see the morning light shining on them; I can't see the sun yet, though. The sun also illuminates the further 20-30 feet of the wings. I kinda wish the pilot would make a circle so we could see the sunrise.
!Noah!
February 03, 2015
Up in the Air
February 3rd, 13:23
I just boarded my flight to Houston about an hour and a half ago, without much trouble; this is my first time off the ground...I can't think of an occasion I've flown or even dropped from anywhere outdoors. Anyway. I'm flying. I keep wondering what the cities are below me, but I can't really find out, as the in-flight Wi-Fi isn't complimentary. Dispicable.
I would hazard a guess that one of the bigger cities we passed was Oklahoma City, but when I looked at my phone's GPS, we were closer to Ponca City, which doesn't seem that big at all. Anyway, I'll be in Houston within a couple hours and then I'll have to figure out how to get on the Singapore Airlines flight; hopefully there will be less trouble being that I got through Delta's lines and confirmations. I don't really know how this works, but I know that at least Delta needed to have my visa approval letter in order to give me my boarding pass, which caused my initial difficulties and resulted in my being late to my scheduled flight, and consequently being scheduled for a flight this morning.
My phone really isn't made for long trips like this; it is unfortunatley not blessed with a long-lasting battery, despite its other qualities.
I've begun listening to my Starred playlist on Spotify from the beginning, i.e. with the first songs I starred first played first. I've felt a bit off here and there, but I haven't gotten enough sleep, and this leg of my trip isn't really long enough, nor the conditions ideal, for a good sleepytime.
I'm writing this at the time listed above, but this will be posted either when I arrive in Houston, or on the flight to Moscow.
Moscow. Interesting.
!Noah!
I just boarded my flight to Houston about an hour and a half ago, without much trouble; this is my first time off the ground...I can't think of an occasion I've flown or even dropped from anywhere outdoors. Anyway. I'm flying. I keep wondering what the cities are below me, but I can't really find out, as the in-flight Wi-Fi isn't complimentary. Dispicable.
I would hazard a guess that one of the bigger cities we passed was Oklahoma City, but when I looked at my phone's GPS, we were closer to Ponca City, which doesn't seem that big at all. Anyway, I'll be in Houston within a couple hours and then I'll have to figure out how to get on the Singapore Airlines flight; hopefully there will be less trouble being that I got through Delta's lines and confirmations. I don't really know how this works, but I know that at least Delta needed to have my visa approval letter in order to give me my boarding pass, which caused my initial difficulties and resulted in my being late to my scheduled flight, and consequently being scheduled for a flight this morning.
My phone really isn't made for long trips like this; it is unfortunatley not blessed with a long-lasting battery, despite its other qualities.
I've begun listening to my Starred playlist on Spotify from the beginning, i.e. with the first songs I starred first played first. I've felt a bit off here and there, but I haven't gotten enough sleep, and this leg of my trip isn't really long enough, nor the conditions ideal, for a good sleepytime.
I'm writing this at the time listed above, but this will be posted either when I arrive in Houston, or on the flight to Moscow.
Moscow. Interesting.
!Noah!
Chick Fil-A, the TSA, and a dank day
So I got to the airport, chose to say goodbye to Mommy and she went on her way. I found my way to the TSA line, and it surprised me how quickly I got through; I expected to be screened blind, deaf, and dumb, but the TSA is apparently pretty OK these days. I got in and out easily within thirty minutes, far less if I exclude the time in line. Perhaps it's easier as a carry-on-only passenger, but whatever.
I got through, and found out then how large the MSP airport is; it took me five or ten minutes to walk to my concourse, at which point I found the nearest appealing restaurant and used the customer service restitutive coupon things we got for the trouble we had yesterday to purchase some breakfast. I intend to eat lunch in Houston, where I'll have about two and a half hours to get myself on a Singapore Airlines flight to Moscow, Singapore, and then finally on a third flight from Singapore to Hanoi (at least that's how I understand it at this point).
I write this looking out on a cloudy day on the tarmac, the occasional truck or airplane passing by in my view. It's kind of peaceful.
I am alone. I am hopeful.
!Noah!
I got through, and found out then how large the MSP airport is; it took me five or ten minutes to walk to my concourse, at which point I found the nearest appealing restaurant and used the customer service restitutive coupon things we got for the trouble we had yesterday to purchase some breakfast. I intend to eat lunch in Houston, where I'll have about two and a half hours to get myself on a Singapore Airlines flight to Moscow, Singapore, and then finally on a third flight from Singapore to Hanoi (at least that's how I understand it at this point).
I write this looking out on a cloudy day on the tarmac, the occasional truck or airplane passing by in my view. It's kind of peaceful.
I am alone. I am hopeful.
!Noah!
January 20, 2015
Of wood duck chicks
So here it begins; in less than two weeks, I'll get on a plane (for the first time in my life) to leave the country (for the first time in my life) to Hanoi in Vietnam (for the first time in my life). Alone.
Maybe that's not so impressive to you...but I really don't know why. Why you would be proud or impressed or think I'm brave or something is beyond me, and it won't be tolerated at all.
I think to myself every now and then, you guys shouldn't be proud of me, or impressed, or think I'm brave.
I'm just young, naive, and could think of nothing sooner than leaving the country for a couple months to see a few countries eleven hours removed from my hometown.
Speaking of my hometown, I've lived in Minneapolis my entire life. I've spent the majority of my life in a triple bunk with my two brothers, and I've not moved out, gone to college, or learned to sustain myself.
Yet somehow even now, 13 days from my date of departure, I am unworried. I had a couple seconds of panic as I was waking up this afternoon (I've been sleeping really odd hours, and I'm honestly wondering how it'll affect my jetlag), but it passed. Doubtless I'll feel more as plans and reality progresses, but for now, all I can think is...
I'm going far, far away, and I'm still in a somewhat shocked, disbelieving state, unsure of what's about to happen. This wood duck is leaving the nest.
Wood ducks nest in trees, and until they leave the nest, they've never used their wings or flown in any capacity; they've stayed in their nest all their lives. One day (perhaps the mother decides, perhaps they do, I can't remember), they jump out, plummet earthward, and hopefully, hopefully, their wings begin to flap, and they wind feel pressing on feeble frame, feathers tensing, gravity defeated.
I'll probably post photos of my packing process when I get it more organized and complete.
Oh, and you could pray for this little wood duck. He relies only on God's love.
!Noah!
September 10, 2014
On Finding Love
Myself and doubtless other foolish Christians have probably wondered time and time again, throughout history, "Will I ever find someone I love as much as her/him?"
Short answer is it doesn't matter. That's heartless and doubtless makes everyone want to leave, but it's O.K. The door's somewhere between Ctrl and W.
Anyway, let's get down to it. So what I mean is this; if you love God, it'll ALWAYS be O.K. Got it? God loves you. Jesus loves you. The Holy Spirit actively, really, functionally helps you through life.
This isn't just about how things are going to be okay or anything like that, though. It's also about how, because God constantly, completely, unreservedly loves you, you can be confident that, as his love grows in you, you will be forced by the grace and love and his forgiveness of your sins to show that love forth.
And you know what, it'll be glorious. Amazing. Spectacular. Unimaginable.
Often, I find myself wondering if God's love could be sufficient, as, after all, falling in love with a girl is really, really amazing. Right up until she says no and over the course of the next six months you're forced to accept that you're still on your own...with the God of the universe.
I've also taken some comfort knowing that she'll be there praising God for eternity. It's like, hey, girl, I'd really like to go out with you, but if not, that's okay.
I'm gonna spend eternity with you praising God. Now works. Tomorrow works. Next year works. But if all I see of you is you glorifying God 'til and then past the end of time, so be it.
But back to my point. God loves you, and because of that, you love people more. Right now is never as good a time to fall in love as tomorrow when you've got God unreservedly loving you for the rest of time, and then throughout eternity. Tomorrow is okay. I will know more fully God's love, and my love because of that knowledge will be greater for whoever I find then.
He loves you today, and he'll continue loving you tomorrow. He'll love you 'til the day you die.
It took plenty of grace and love to realize this, but it WILL be okay if I fall in love/get married in my late twenties. In my thirties. In my forties. In my fifties. In my sixties. In my seventies. In my eighties. In my nineties. In my hundreds. I guess I can settle for that many years.
Trust God. He's busy living out the greatest love story ever written, and you're worried that tomorrow you'll not have a date. He's so in love with you that he wants to spend eternity with you; how could you imagine that, if a relationship was actually good for you, he would keep true love from you?
I hope that made sense; these sorts of things I primarily write out for my own sake, but if this helps you, eat up.
!Noah!
Short answer is it doesn't matter. That's heartless and doubtless makes everyone want to leave, but it's O.K. The door's somewhere between Ctrl and W.
Anyway, let's get down to it. So what I mean is this; if you love God, it'll ALWAYS be O.K. Got it? God loves you. Jesus loves you. The Holy Spirit actively, really, functionally helps you through life.
This isn't just about how things are going to be okay or anything like that, though. It's also about how, because God constantly, completely, unreservedly loves you, you can be confident that, as his love grows in you, you will be forced by the grace and love and his forgiveness of your sins to show that love forth.
And you know what, it'll be glorious. Amazing. Spectacular. Unimaginable.
Often, I find myself wondering if God's love could be sufficient, as, after all, falling in love with a girl is really, really amazing. Right up until she says no and over the course of the next six months you're forced to accept that you're still on your own...with the God of the universe.
I've also taken some comfort knowing that she'll be there praising God for eternity. It's like, hey, girl, I'd really like to go out with you, but if not, that's okay.
I'm gonna spend eternity with you praising God. Now works. Tomorrow works. Next year works. But if all I see of you is you glorifying God 'til and then past the end of time, so be it.
But back to my point. God loves you, and because of that, you love people more. Right now is never as good a time to fall in love as tomorrow when you've got God unreservedly loving you for the rest of time, and then throughout eternity. Tomorrow is okay. I will know more fully God's love, and my love because of that knowledge will be greater for whoever I find then.
He loves you today, and he'll continue loving you tomorrow. He'll love you 'til the day you die.
It took plenty of grace and love to realize this, but it WILL be okay if I fall in love/get married in my late twenties. In my thirties. In my forties. In my fifties. In my sixties. In my seventies. In my eighties. In my nineties. In my hundreds. I guess I can settle for that many years.
Trust God. He's busy living out the greatest love story ever written, and you're worried that tomorrow you'll not have a date. He's so in love with you that he wants to spend eternity with you; how could you imagine that, if a relationship was actually good for you, he would keep true love from you?
I hope that made sense; these sorts of things I primarily write out for my own sake, but if this helps you, eat up.
!Noah!
September 05, 2014
To God:
I am tired. Exhausted. My energy is expended, my heart hopes and dreams, yet beats without rhythm. For God's glory would I toil, but instead my heart is divided, and indecisive, hoping for lesser wonders, for smaller glories.
I don't really know what to say. I'm so, so fatigued, weary, and broken. I could claim that my work situation provided sufficient work and stress to cause my current distress, but that would be half the truth, at best. I am beset with desire, I am continually diverted by longing, and my heart is in no way purposed or directed for anything. I am a lost sheep with muddied fleece and confounded mind. I am lost and confused, I am fickle and in mere breezes do my blades sway and rock. I turn one way and another, only to find further confusion and longing.
To say this, does it make me weak?
I think not; the condition of a Christian is one of weakness, one of being continually lost and repeatedly found again. It is one of constant improvement, but it is also one of a great abyss, whose depths are unexplored and unknown by us, which houses the greatest of rottenness and the foulest of diseases. Our lives consist of continually falling through said chasms, seeing further and further evidence of the darkness inside our own hearts...
...but simultaneously we fly upward through the darkness toward unimaginable light. We careen like the foolish lemmings we so often are toward such beauty, majesty and glory that our condition can be none but that of immense and spectacularly serendipitous and fortuitous condescension. We are hunted by the knight of light, the desire of our wayward hearts, though we know him not, and run, terrified like deer of the hunter.
Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!
In this terrible, wonderful journey I find myself. When in my flight from God I remember him, my tears come and of two minds, two hearts, divided by the waves of the sea and the gusts of the air...
I am split.
Lord, find me near your heart, and saturate, fill, drown my heart in your love. All else is secondary, tertiary, even nil. Renew my heart and mind, and send it as you will, without hesitation or division. Let it be your vessel and your vehicle, a great red flying, swimming ice cream truck of love, following the fault lines of your heart tirelessly to the end of time, through the rivers of truth and beauty, glorious for the destination it will one day find. Spare no expense to love me to my knees, to grace my feet to the velocity of your desire, to forgive me with less hesitation than I so continually turn away from you...
In all things, Lord, let my life dance to the rhythm of your heartbeat, my feet run barefoot on the footpaths of your love, my heart and head hand in hand fight the lies, desires, and folly that keep me from you.
In this unending ocean let me bathe forever in your love, and swim, continually exhausted and driven by the power and magnitude of your grace, bombarded without end by the typhoon of your mercy.
And for goodness' sake forgive me for my foolish pride in the words you give me to speak back to you. They are yours and they are yours. I but speak the love that you have caused me to tread in for all these years.
One day I will write you an unending love song. One day I will sing to you in fullness, and in your spectacular radiance and the perfection bought with such unknowably precious blood, my voice will falter not for a thousand and one years.
xoxo
!Noah!
I don't really know what to say. I'm so, so fatigued, weary, and broken. I could claim that my work situation provided sufficient work and stress to cause my current distress, but that would be half the truth, at best. I am beset with desire, I am continually diverted by longing, and my heart is in no way purposed or directed for anything. I am a lost sheep with muddied fleece and confounded mind. I am lost and confused, I am fickle and in mere breezes do my blades sway and rock. I turn one way and another, only to find further confusion and longing.
To say this, does it make me weak?
I think not; the condition of a Christian is one of weakness, one of being continually lost and repeatedly found again. It is one of constant improvement, but it is also one of a great abyss, whose depths are unexplored and unknown by us, which houses the greatest of rottenness and the foulest of diseases. Our lives consist of continually falling through said chasms, seeing further and further evidence of the darkness inside our own hearts...
...but simultaneously we fly upward through the darkness toward unimaginable light. We careen like the foolish lemmings we so often are toward such beauty, majesty and glory that our condition can be none but that of immense and spectacularly serendipitous and fortuitous condescension. We are hunted by the knight of light, the desire of our wayward hearts, though we know him not, and run, terrified like deer of the hunter.
Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!
In this terrible, wonderful journey I find myself. When in my flight from God I remember him, my tears come and of two minds, two hearts, divided by the waves of the sea and the gusts of the air...
I am split.
Lord, find me near your heart, and saturate, fill, drown my heart in your love. All else is secondary, tertiary, even nil. Renew my heart and mind, and send it as you will, without hesitation or division. Let it be your vessel and your vehicle, a great red flying, swimming ice cream truck of love, following the fault lines of your heart tirelessly to the end of time, through the rivers of truth and beauty, glorious for the destination it will one day find. Spare no expense to love me to my knees, to grace my feet to the velocity of your desire, to forgive me with less hesitation than I so continually turn away from you...
In all things, Lord, let my life dance to the rhythm of your heartbeat, my feet run barefoot on the footpaths of your love, my heart and head hand in hand fight the lies, desires, and folly that keep me from you.
In this unending ocean let me bathe forever in your love, and swim, continually exhausted and driven by the power and magnitude of your grace, bombarded without end by the typhoon of your mercy.
And for goodness' sake forgive me for my foolish pride in the words you give me to speak back to you. They are yours and they are yours. I but speak the love that you have caused me to tread in for all these years.
One day I will write you an unending love song. One day I will sing to you in fullness, and in your spectacular radiance and the perfection bought with such unknowably precious blood, my voice will falter not for a thousand and one years.
xoxo
!Noah!
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