I think one of the lies I've been telling myself or thinking, and which has been kind of running the show about how I think about life, is that some sacrifice is necessary on my part for God to be kind to me, for God to give me good things.
For God to fulfill the deepest longings of my heart.
But don't I have to, "seek first the kingdom of God," and "then all these things will be added to you"?
I mean, that does seem like it indicates that you need to do something to receive "these things," right?
On the other hand, I know that nothing God gives me can I ever earn. So, my best efforts to pursue him, to do devotions daily, to attend church regularly, to be in community, to build and show the fruits of the spirit...none of it *earns* God's pleasure or the gifts he ends up giving me.
I'm a sinner, so abundantly short of earning something from God that I can't even earn myself the right to live but for him being gracious and merciful first.
But where does "seeking first" come in? If I have to prioritize love for God in my life, do all the things that a good Christian would do, in order for God to love me in giving me good things, I'm *earning* that, right? Or do I have to pursue God at all?
I can't earn his love...it'll be given to me no matter what I do, but in response to that love, I choose to reply in love.
That's, I think, how Christianity is supposed to work.
But the way Jesus says it, it sounds like our efforts to seek him are casual of his providing all that we need. And that can't be; God isn't gracious or generous or kind based on our works, is he?
What am I missing here? Is this not a contradiction?
!Noah!
1 comment:
This is something that Mari and I talk about sometimes... I don't think it's a contradiction, it's like a kind of paradox in things. But I have a way of understanding it, and it makes sense to me... maybe I don't mind paradoxes as much as you do, but you can tell me what you think.
I believe that some of the folks I've read in the past years talk about this... for some reason, I actually like the element of having to pursue God; I kind of love the reciprocation in relationships, and mapping that out, figuring out how to do it.
Let me see. One aspect of it is: For God to *give you Himself*, you must want Him. He will not GIVE Himself to you if you won't receive Him. In that way, the ball is in your park, and you have to initiate... but the initiation isn't necessarily going to church; it might just be a little humble thought, a little letting go. That reminds me- the letting go may help you think about it if you think you have 'control issues'/perfectionism. Letting go of control, even if not specifically in prayer, is admittance to God that you are not God. Any human thinking he has any semblance of control over reality, even over himself, is playing God, but there is the fine line of not giving up your *responsibility* for yourself. I just don't think responsibility and control are the same thing, though... responsibility is admittance of what exactly was given to you by God to be steward of, and it is actually worship of Him to be responsible for the things He gave you- in other words, yourself.
That may sound contradictory to say that you must give up control of yourself, but what that bit of it means is to give up the possibility of saving yourself- earning your salvation. You can't do it, you can't make it happen. You let yourself go into His hands like Eustace in Aslan's, admitting you can't tear off the scales yourself.
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