Ok, so, some point in the near future, I might get a camera. Ideally, this camera would both open up all sorts of options for creativity in the future, as WELL as provide me with some source of income, whether sporadic or constant, significant or pitiful...
But I don't know. Am I really cut out for taking pictures the rest of my life? Sure, I probably will end up doing something else here or there, and I'll be taking pictures the rest of my life non-professionally all the time...'cause that's part of my life.
But this is different than that. Right now, I sort of have about enough money to buy myself...half the camera. And that's spreading the butter thin. My parents have tentatively offered to pay the other half...how much of this is because I'm not in college right now, and probably won't do much more than a community college even if I do end up going...that I don't know. However, they've offered.
What should I do? It isn't exactly a question I feel qualified to outright answer myself, but at the same time, it seems like I don't have a better option. Right now, I'm unemployed, without motivation or activity to fill my day. Were I on the ball, getting up earlier, and caring if tomorrow was full or empty, I'd probably be practicing Taekwondo three times a week. I mean, I'm not earning any money right now, I'm not doing anything useful with my life, I should at least be benefiting from my parents' generosity.
But, the question at hand. Heck, sorry, but I'm going to go on something of a side-issue or tangent now.
Is it possible or right that a person can find meaning, purpose, LIFE simply by getting something, knowing someone, having a new person in their life?
Anyone who knows me knows exactly what I'm talking about...but now that I say it out loud (...not exactly...), it doesn't sound very true, logical, or good. God's my purpose, he made me, and he gave me life. GIVES me life. What then? Am I supposed to simply go on with life dreaming and hoping for a better life that I'll only deny myself because my hope ultimately isn't in God?
It seems to me both sides of that are now thoroughly detestable to me, so I'll move on.
So, I should be doing something with my life. And one thing I can definitely argue I should do is expand my talent and my skill. One of my greatest skills/talents is photography. It's not boasting, honestly, it's just true.
I've got a thing for writing, but she doesn't seem to reciprocate.
Acting, singing, dancing...I can remember there are a few others, but this post is exhaustive as it is.
But ultimately, the point of this post is trusting God. And I don't know if this is one of those times I'm supposed to trust God, or one of those times I'm supposed to NOT spend all my money and put all my hope in a creation.
And that's a stupidly disturbing way to put it, by the way. It's all nice and good talking about idolatry when you're not crushing on a girl, when you've pretty much got everything you want materially, but when you want something or someone, all of a sudden, that person or thing is a freaking demon of deception and...
Well, it's bad.
Oh, yeah. And then there's the fact that, in the end, at least half of this IS going to end up being my parents' money. And I'm not just miserly with my own money. Although abandoning Taekwondo for a month isn't a great habit in that respect.
But the issue at hand. Should I go and spend almost all my own money, as well as an equal amount of my parents' money, on something that really is kind of a horrible bet? Is this one of those times when my faith in God would change my life?
I guess that's a stupid question, when it's put to words.
Help my unbelief, LORD!
!Noah!
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